A review of the entire country of Italy: Pt. 3

Who is the celebrity equivalent of a deer? Hint: it's not Cardi B.

This is part three and the final post in my series where I review Italy. Unfortunately there are no restaurant recommendations, but there are observations about clouds and a thrilling anecdote about how we saw a deer. You can also check out parts one and two if you haven’t already.

Italy can be a loud, hectic place at times. Like someone has turned up the volume ever so slightly. Or in Naples’ case, the volume has been turned up full and the volume knob has broken off and caught fire. That's why Tuscany is so important. Sitting in the upper middle of the country and providing welcome relief on your trip between top and bottom. A soothing lemon sorbet for the brain.

However, there was a slight delay in the kitchen apparently and we would have to wait a bit longer to enjoy our sorbet. Our accommodation was divided in two, and a family staying on the floor above kept us up past midnight arguing loudly. About what I'm not sure. Perhaps just furious at how beautiful the landscape was around us. Thankfully they were gone early the next day and we were able to get on with our delicious peace and quiet.

Our Tuscany accommodation was a classic country farmhouse. The type that comes equipped with 50 different kinds of coffee cups and glassware and a lifetime's collection of memorabilia and knick-knacks that filled every spare inch of every available ledge and wall. An absolute shitstorm of clutter and contrasting design aesthetics but in this type of setting, for some reason, it works. A comforting and appropriate style amongst the countryside.

Part of the success of the interior design perhaps is that it encourages you to venture outside and give your eyeballs some relief. Which worked out perfectly because there was plenty to enjoy.

We spent a lot of our time watching the clouds - the kinds of very important things you do on holiday - set upon a staggeringly beautiful backdrop made up of rolling green hills. The clouds were like actors performing on a stage, and it was a show we would dip in and out of. Constantly checking to see what they were up to, sometimes calling out to each other to 'come look!' like you might if a pet was doing something cute or funny.

It was unusually cloudy and grey while we were there, but sometimes the sun would peek out and light up one of the fields in the patchwork below. Like a stage light, the sun telling us where to look. Cute, tiny cars would pop out in a visible stretch of road and disappear again behind trees and hills. Much more innocent and harmless from this distance, and not at all alluding to the reality, that of lunatics belting dangerously around the landscape.

For the most part, the clouds moved horizontally along invisible tracks in the distance. A few days into our time there however, seemingly feeling more comfortable with our presence, the clouds jumped the tracks and began free roaming. They moved slowly and cautiously up the hill towards the house, edging closer until eventually we were fully enveloped. Absorbed by a ghostly white herd. They drifted by the house peering in through the windows before eventually pushing their way inside, coming in via the back door and opening up drawers, knocking over trinkets and helping themselves to leftovers in the fridge, before making off up the hill like a bunch of vaporous scallywags.

There were other wildlife too. A tiny bird, a hoopoe, bounced by the open door one day. It's normally spiky quiff slicked back suggesting it was probably in work mode and not to be disturbed. A hare, spotted while driving, and then during the night, a hairy flash across the front of the car as a wild boar launched from one side to the next. With so many animal sightings coming in quick succession, it was clear we had been upgraded to some sort of wildlife package and I made a note to thank our host later.

Perhaps wary of becoming too soft and sheltered under our plaid throw rugs, we ventured out one day towards a castle on top of a hill. The clouds had been loitering around it ominously for a few days hinting that dark and mysterious forces could be at play. It gave the walk a significant quest-like feel with big things at stake, like Frodo on his treacherous journey to Mount Doom. And while we may not have had orcs and armies of the dead to contend with, we were up against a different foe in the form of Sunday opening hours. There didn't seem to be much around in the way of hot meals or drinks, and with conditions like these, in the Tuscany region of all places, surely even Frodo would have to agree this was a journey only for the brave.

We bathed in shades of green along the way. Layers on layers. The rain dialled up dramatically at one point and we were forced to shelter under the nearest layer, an Italian Cypress, the classic Tuscan tree shaped like a closed umbrella. One we wished we could have opened out to save us.

Giant mosquitos floated around us that looked like they could suck a whole limb dry. In the distance we could hear the cuckoo bird, still going despite the conditions. It had barely stopped since we'd been there and to hear it sticking to its duties in this weather, made it all the more admirable. Aside from its whimsical call, perhaps that's why it had been a fitting symbol for a clock. It carries on regardless. Regimented and reliable. The cuckoo has a job to do and remains steadfast.

When we arrived in the town, the rain had washed the streets clean giving us free reign and an open path up the hill to the tower. Tops of hills were good real estate back then, and whilst still nice if you can get it, these days proximity to schools or space for a pool have generally moved up higher on the priority list when it comes to building and buying.

As we got closer to the top, it started hailing - one final defense of the fortress. It may have been that the weather was trying to keep a secret from the hoards of tourists as we finally got to the top and looked out below us. A beautiful panorama laid out in front of us. VIP access to all of Tuscany. The clouds had cleared off except for one of them lurking beside a mountain nearby, and we tried to soak as much view into our eyeballs as we could before making our way back.

On our return leg, the rain came down harder than ever and despite all odds, we managed to find a shop open in the town. We arrived inside like a burst water pipe, locals turning to stare. We weren't from around these parts and this saloon clearly doesn't get many new faces. Especially on a Sunday. We helped smooth things over by ordering an espresso and a slice of pizza. The locals turned back to what they were doing. We had passed the test.

A break arrived and we made our escape. As we got closer to the comfort, albeit slight scratchiness, of our throw rugs, we got a notification that our wildlife package had been extended. Standing there in the tall grass staring at us was a deer. It was a magical sight. Seeing animals out in the wild that you've never seen before can be a bit like seeing a celebrity in person. You've seen photos or videos, but then here they are in front of you, in the flesh. The deer stood there for a second or two before turning and bounding off, making its escape as we gasped and whispered like a couple of embarrassing celebrity spotters.

In trying to communicate this analogy afterwards, I could only offer up George Clooney and Angelina Jolie as examples, both of which felt slightly outdated (no offence to either of them) and only highlighted my lack of awareness of current pop culture. KB offered up Cardi B and, whilst more current, we both agreed it didn’t really communicate 'innocent doe-eyed deer' as far as a celebrity equivalent. The question of who is the celebrity equivalent of a deer would keep us stumped for a few days. Eventually after a sudden flash of inspiration, KB plucked out Anya Taylor-Joy, an actor so deer-like she could in fact be genetically half-human half-deer, and we were finally able to close the case.

There's no doubt that throughout our time in Italy the most special, alive moments were felt when we were venturing out beyond what we knew. Italy is a well trodden path, but travel is a state of mind. Nature more often than not provided the perfect option for activating that mindset. It wasn't just that though, but also when we had removed expectations. When we were freewheeling and uncertain and open to what was in front of us. Not knowing what is around the corner and allowing that feeling to remain can be anxiety-inducing, but also exciting. A spirit of mind that comes easier while we're away but which we could certainly benefit from applying to our life in general.

Travel reminds us in many moments to relinquish control, because we ultimately have none. We are forced to go with the flow, unable to exert the control we think we normally have back home. It can be humbling and eye-opening. And, when we are finally home, eyes fully open, there is also that glorious but brief period of time where we can etch out some new routines and apply some changes before we get pulled back into our well-worn familiar ones.

Obviously it all depends as well on what your version of travel is. For many it's about being able to enjoy an Aperol Spritz within a 100 metre radius of any tourist hotspot. Of which Italy can definitely cater. Not everyone wants to blow up their routines or step into that dizzying uncertainty.

We're all seeking different things, and all on different journeys. Italy, like life, is a ball of dough. It's whatever you make of it.

Hopefully crumbed and fried though.

4 out of 5 stars.

Use affiliate code 'lifecrumbs' when purchasing anything in the country of Italy.*

*Not a real code.