Paste influencer

The gut brain disconnection

My gut and brain are in a toxic relationship. At least this is what I’ve ascertained from my gut doctor.

The gut and brain are always communicating, he says. They are connected; constantly passing information back and forth between one another. Like two peas in a pod, nattering away like tea ladies.

Which is fine unless the two tea ladies are a couple of anxious so-and-so’s. Which is what mine are.

Here’s a typical exchange:

Brain: ‘Ooh you haven’t heard the latest have you?’

Gut: ‘Oh what’s that then?’

Brain: ‘It’s all headed for disaster, they’re saying’

Gut: ‘Oh my, you don’t suppose that’s it then do you? End of the world and all that?’

Brain: ‘Oh yes, definitely.’

Gut: ‘Really?’

Brain: ‘That’s what I’m hearing. Any moment now apparently. If I were you I would get into a fight or flight response and stay there constantly. You just never know, you see. Better to be in a semi-permanent state of panic, just to be safe. Which of course you aren’t - safe, that is.’

Overall, I think I manage stress and overwhelm fairly well. I try to find that balance between not reading the news too much and also staying informed. I meditate, journal, and exercise regularly. I don’t feed my brain too much junk food, but sometimes all of this is not enough. It can still seep in. And that’s all it takes, apparently.

And my gut, bless its sensitive soul, is just trying to get on with the job of digesting, but its coworker (my brain) is an absolute menace. Feeding it all sorts of bad information and the two of them are operating in their own little echo chamber and it’s all spiralling out of control.

And this is where my gut issues have come from. Thanks for asking.

So my gut doctor has stepped in. An intermediary acting as a kind of HR rep, helping me to establish better boundaries between the two parties. Alongside various lifestyle changes, he has given me a new diet plan. Now I only eat warm, cooked foods. Gentle things that won’t aggravate my stomach. Soft vegetables, stewed apples. Food for babies.

Now I chew my food 20 times per mouthful, and so it takes me four hours to eat a bowl of soup, and a whole day to eat cooked chicken.

It should have the consistency of paste, says my gut doctor. Which as it turns out, is my least favourite food texture. If there was a mouth-feel index, paste would sit firmly at the bottom. There’s a reason there are no restaurants that specialise in paste, and that there are no paste food influencers. Yes there are plenty of attractive people on Instagram slopping goo all over themselves, but very few that have opted for gobbing handfuls of roast vegetable paste.

Anyway, even though I sometimes yearn for the occasional crunch, I’m happy to do it as it seems to be working so far. Anything to keep the tea ladies happy.

Other lifestyle changes I’ve been prescribed include regular saunas and the occasional ice bath. Which is interesting because apparently this is an accepted form of stress.

This stress seems to equal: good. Extreme cold, extreme heat. Punish the body. Drill sergeant yelling at a cadet vibes.

Whereas stomach and brain stress = bad. Be soft and kind. Warm things. Arm around the shoulder. Good cop vibes.

It’s a shame that doing a warm plunge, or sitting in a small, wood-panelled room at a comfortable room temperature isn’t more of a thing. People don’t tend to be impressed by that as much as they do if you told them you’d sat in a bathtub of ice at 5am.

It’s been difficult to find green spaces around the city. The doctor has prescribed me more time in nature, and I’ve been trying, but the best I can manage is a hybrid.

There was the dog park next to a freeway. A wetlands walk with a giant power structure in it. And at the start of winter we’d gone for a walk in a rainforest, which had been interrupted not only by the sounds of a leafblower, but we had also come across a man on a laptop. He was literally sat on a stool with a laptop perched on his legs, in the middle of a dense forest about 30 metres off the trail. Like a one-man performance art piece.

What does getting out in nature equate to though when you’re living in a city? Will 50/50 suffice? Does the ratio of trees need to outweigh powerlines by a significant margin? Do I need to feel fully and completely lost in a forest to feel the effects, or is it cancelled out by the constant and steady hum of traffic?

I haven’t run this by my doctor, but I suspect the answer is: it depends.

Every time I’ve stood next to a stream and listened to the water bubbling over rocks I’ve thought: you know, I think everything is going to be ok. Nature can provide sanctuary when I need it.

But then recently I encountered this tree that has been squashed under the immense weight of it all, and I guess everyone is feeling the pressure.

I think my doctor will be happy to hear that recently we have moved from the inner city to a new house-sit on the outskirts. It’s quieter out here. More green and spacious, and that has to be good for the stress levels. You only need to look at how many more birds there are, all of which seem to be in good spirits. It’s definitely more of a premium bird experience, and a far cry from the city pigeons who are overworked and stressed. Tweaking out, scrambling for crumbs.

Being in this relaxed setting doesn’t seem to be helping the dog we are looking after, who is the most anxious, neurotic dog I have ever met. She is a sweet pup with human eyes that stare at you with worry. ‘Please can I have a cigarette and a drink’, she says. ‘Something to take the edge off’. I give her half a cup of biscuits instead.

She also has gut issues. Thanks for asking. We share a bond in that way.

My gut doctor has also suggested other lifestyle changes, including more laughing, more singing, and cuddling pets. Two of these I could multitask. I could sing along to comedy songs, which would be much more efficient. Cuddling pets is possible, but our neurotic dog tends to flinch if our faces get too close.

And when I do get right up close I can see anguish in her human eyes. As if she might be a human trapped in a dog’s body.

‘I thought I would always be relaxed and happy as a dog, living out here in nature’, she seems to be saying with her pained eyes. ‘Now I miss the excitement and energy of the city. I want to be a part of the action again.’

‘Isn’t it nicer out here though?’, I counter with soft, inquisitive eyes. ‘Getting away from it all, luxuriating in thought, indulging in dilly-dally, being alone with your thoughts?’

‘Well that’s the thing you see…’

‘Yeah I haven’t figured it out either’, I say. ‘Lately I’ve been trying saunas, ice baths, hypnotherapy, breathing exercises, no screens while eating, taking supplements, a smaller eating window, meditation, mindfulness, a complete diet overhaul, laughing, singing, cuddling pets - remind me that I need to talk to you about this - not reading the news too often but also staying informed. Plus I stood next to a stream the other day and that felt quite nice. And all that seems to be helping. But sometimes I worry that, what if the tea ladies are right, you know? Like what if all this is a normal reaction from my gut and brain in response to *gestures wildly with hands* EVERYTHING. I mean, is paste really the answer??’

‘Yeah, I don’t know what any of that means.’

‘Fair enough. Can I get a hug?’

‘Only if I can get a cigarette.’

‘Ok. Deal.’

Hey! Thanks for popping by. It’s been a funny old month for me, but I hear there’s a bit of that going around. Sometimes you are faced with big, important things that shift your perspective and prompt serious reflection, and then other times you’re back to worrying about which car phone holder thing to buy. It’s all very weird, and I can’t say if I would recommend paste as a coping strategy for all of it just yet. You certainly have to have the stomach for it, which funnily enough is part of the problem.

Anyway, I hope things are ok where you are. Before I leave you, let me know what you thought of the post in the comments. And if you enjoyed it, please give the heart/like button a click, or give it a share. Take care!