What housing crisis? Here are 6 affordable options you can live in right now

Hot properties at cool, dank prices. Better jump on these quick.

Housing affordability is a hot topic these days. Who can forget the good ol’ days when you could buy a Spanish villa for the price of a loaf of bread, and a loaf of bread for the price of a handshake. When kids could play out on the street, or ride bikes and solve supernatural mysteries in relative safety. A time before Geocities or ticky tock videos or computer sticks you could smoke.

As Timothée Chalamet once said: the times they are a-changin'.

If, like me, you've found yourself wondering in recent times: what happened to all the affordable housing? Where am I supposed to live? And, are there any alternative options within a normal price range? Then this post is for you.

Whether you're looking to join the home owners club, or downsize to something more economical, below is a round-up of affordable housing options you can jump on right away.

Better start planning those housewarming parties! Let's get into it..

A shell

The hesitancy around shell living is understandable. Hermit crabs have been giving the shell house movement a bad name for a while now. Buried under sand, slow moving, isolated. Doesn't sound like thriving, does it?

Wrong!

If you think you're too good for a shell, then think again.

It's minimal living at its absolute finest. Enough room for a pile of folded claws and your choice of insulated travel mug. The world is your oyster vessel. And the best part? If you're not vibing with your current setup, you can switch things up. Swap shells out like you would phone covers. All the while enjoying 24/7 sea views sounds.

Buried under debt or buried under sand? It's your choice.

Speak to your local agent. All sea shells are sold by the sea shore.

A person's head

Ever heard the phrase 'this has been living rent free in my head'?

Cha-ching!

Dealing with the swirling madness of another person's mind isn't everyone's cup of tea. But then again, squatting in someone else's dark recesses seems like a small price to pay for free rent.

Don't sleep on this one, folks. Stop paying exorbitant rates to your evil landlords, and stop living paycheck to paycheck.

Stop worrying about getting ahead, and instead, get a head!

A dark hole at the base of a rotting tree trunk

Not just rotting wood, but also the excrement from bats, owls and dormice.

Where do I sign?!

That's the spirit. But first, let's hear about the European Hermit Beetle:

'a big black beetle that can grow up to 1.5 inches long. Hermit beetles are very reluctant to move and prefer to spend their whole lives in a dark hole at the base of a rotting tree trunk. And because these beetles rarely fly or walk, whole generations of the same family can live for decades in the same tree.'¹

Yep - it's that sought after exotic European lifestyle. And it's not just beetles that are flocking to tree trunk living.

Shrewd investors and those looking to escape city living will see past the excrement and rotting wood and see the huge potential on offer here. Save on heating costs with that eco-friendly cool, dank living. Feel the freedom of all that vertical space. And the lack of light makes it ideal for watching movies!

Get in early at the forest floor and secure your rotting hole today.

A memory palace

Imagine the looks you'd get. "You're living where? In a palace?!"

Ooh la la!

If you're not one of the many world memory champion enthusiasts, you might be wondering: what is a memory palace, and how can I get myself one? Here's a breakdown:

A memory palace is a memory technique where you mentally create a familiar location (like a house) and associate specific pieces of information with locations within that space. To recall the information, you mentally ‘walk’ through the palace, and the images you associated with the locations will trigger the memories you're trying to retrieve.

A memory technique, or a free dream house ready to move into today?

Whilst some may point to its lack of 'physical-ness', typical of other standard houses and palaces, a memory palace makes up for that in spades. No more dealing with dodgy builders, no more red tape or headaches with the council. Add an extra storey on your house, put in a water slide or drop a fire pit on the roof. Host dinner parties with your imaginary friends. Everyone's laughing at your jokes. Who knew life could be this good!

Stop dreaming and start imagining - get your memory palace today.

The only thing you have to worry about is trying to remember where you left your keys!

A pillow fort

You know what the problem with most houses is? Too hard. All those bricks. All that concrete and wood. It’s a minefield of sharp corners, heavy landings and cold, unforgiving surfaces.

I mean, enough already - right?! Since when did life need to be this hard?

It doesn't.

Enter: the pillow fort.

Not just for toddlers and the extremely fearful, the pillow fort is THE housing option for today's uncertain world.

Forget smart houses, try soft houses. A build-it-yourself design lets you create the space that works best for you. And its modular system allows the fort to fit your changing needs.

Need to move the plush toilet? Easy. Need another throw-rug hammock in the back? Done. Need more soft cushions because you just read the news and went into an anxiety spiral? Don't fret.

Why reach for the stars when you could kick back in the clouds?

It's time to mellow out, go easy on yourself, and end the cycle of hard.

It's time for a change.

It's time for soft everything.

The world

Still looking for something suitable? How about the world? Ever heard of it?

Calling all earth children: if you're looking for somewhere to live, then I've got news for you. You're in it, my spiritual friend. Because the answer is right under your feet.

Home to flora and fauna all over the world, Mother Earth has been taking in lodgers for decades now. All the way from trees to snakes and even fascists. Everyone's welcome.

It's that highly sought after free spirit living unavailable to traditional home owners.

Ready to move in? You're already here, silly.

Better update that mailing address to:

Earth child and free spirit

Care of: The World.

Ok that’s it. Was that helpful? I'm glad to hear it. Honestly, traditional houses are overrated anyway. I don't know about you, but I'm off to snap up one of those dank rotting tree holes before I'm priced out. Good luck out there!

Hey, just a quick wrap-up before you go. On the topic of housing, some big news from me is that my wife and I are moving over to Melbourne next week, where we’ll be continuing our house-sitting adventures.

It’s an open-ended plan, and we’re equal parts nervous, sad to be leaving, and excited. With a light dusting of extreme overwhelm as we prepare for the move. What I’m hoping that means for the newsletter, is that you might start to see a few more travel related posts from me showing up in your inbox. So keep an eye out for that.

And give me a shout if you’re over in Melbourne. It’d be great to connect!

Finally, if you enjoyed the post, there’s a ‘like’ button at the bottom and the top with a heart icon, and I would love it if you could give it a click (you don’t have to be Substack user to do so either). Otherwise, you can also give the post a share, and as always, drop me a comment and let me know your thoughts. Are you soft everything or more cool and dank? Or, is that palace rooftop firepit calling your name?

Seeya soon!

1. Peter Wohlleben, The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate. Discoveries from A Secret World.